Changing for Good?

In this past year,I as a person ,a spiritual entity have undergone tremendous changes.Changes that I didn’t expect would ever realize even in my wildest dreams.It is all very apparent to people around me as they are constantly mentioning how ‘changed’ I am now ,but when I stand up in front of my bathroom mirror to brush my teeth,I for one cant seem to notice any of those obvious things.

I started this blog almost two years ago and its been one of the most rewarding and at times the most burdensome things.When I started it I intended to  make it an outlet for rants and complaining out issues in general,but during this journey a lot of professional bloggers  and writers gave me helpful advice i.e.on how to improve etc and somewhere along this treacherous course of events I am ashamed to say that it all changed ,maybe I have lost it.Lost the point of it all.Its all turned out to be  very constrained and structured , the posts seem more like essays and lectures, which is the last thing I would want to produce right now. Some of you might say that I have improved drastically as time has progressed but I can’t seem to wrap my head around this anymore.As my life is constantly reinventing , it is expected that I as a sane person, have to keep reinventing myself too. There's this constant nagging pressure to adapt to ‘the changes’ and at times it has been a very painful process. But when I let go of the control, I have found myself moving backwards instead of forwards.Its like you are sitting alone in a peaceful calm room where suddenly the subtle humming sound of fan starts irritating you.And you want to break something for no apparent reason.

So where do we go from here? I have read like a gazillion times that  because everything around us is so dynamic and instable, we have to adopt to the changes even if it means reinventing ourselves,and seriously this delicate balance of staying true to yourself and reinventing is screwing me up big time .Its bullshit.

Because honestly in my case there's no time for looking back, no option of letting go or even accepting defeat. In case anyone of you is inquisitive and  trying to figure WTH I am referring to change this and that.Well some of the changes have been forced on me, some happened by accident, and there were times when I made most of some others. So I’ve decided to find new ways to fix the wrong and work towards creating new versions of myself,ones that are more compatible to things/people around me.But I  just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over my current self, not a regression.