Innocence lost

Cheers to the amazingly life changing year that 2011 was,it was one of those years that you finally start ‘getting’ things as they are.If you had been reading my previous blog posts you would know that I learned a lot of lessons often in a hard way,but even these bad experiences have enriched me deeply and inculcated this new perspective,insights which I wouldn’t have got  if I hadn’t lost my so called ‘Innocence’.

The year gone by was an ‘year of firsts’ for me in many,first time your heart skips a beat,first time you feel responsible for fates of many,the first time you act recklessly,first time you know for sure where you stand in a crowd of nameless faceless people and countless other inexplicable incidents .See the funny thing that happens when you grow up is that you suddenly become aware of all the taboos-things you can no longer afford to do, and that also things that you could have gotten away with ,back when you were this frail and innocent being.

By the way,during my brief stunt at work front,I got to experience that the whole horrible bosses thingy is a myth in fact.People are generally nice ,its just that at times our ulterior motives drive us to selfish things.Moreover not all heartbreak need to be gruesomely emotional and ugly ,at a certain point of time you just have to ‘man up’, you may not forgive faults but forgetting is the key ,Time has this uncanny ability to hide things,just as dust settling on books for long periods of time hides the title inscribed on them.Or maybe I have got numb experiencing all of this time and time again plain and simple.

So, it could be different for you, this is a fact that you never know how it feels until it happens to you and rips you apart.Now as every careless fun stage of life  apparently comes to and end,there is this immense burden of societal expectations and personal aspirations,two things which in my case do not seem to be inline with each other.But after all this experimenting on professional and personal fronts, one thing is for sure  I may still not now what I want out of it all but I do know what I don’t want.Which is truly remarkable achievement being the indecisive impulsive train wreck that I oft become.And I believe that the tables could turn anytime,often when we are  least expecting em.

Innocence  is indeed generally overrated and underappreciated in our society.I now realise that I didn’t always have to do the right thing,and be the right person,so I now decide to choose what feels right to me.One has to take chances,do things which didn’t feel right.As Beth Ditto song goes ‘the world is full good intentions,but Paradise is hard to find’.The world is not a place for angelic clean frail beings even the saints sin,so losing this whole facade like mirage does indeed open doors and broaden your horizons. Alongside we  have to be very careful for what we wish for,as in my case what I often thought I needed turned out to be the terminal illness that could have taken me down.At the end of the day no one should have regrets or at bare minimum avoid such regretful choices.In conclusion,there is no point in keeping your innocence if it doesn’t do you any good , and even more so if its holding you back.

P.S. the graphic used is not mine